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Mike famously obscured a Reebok logo with an American flag to ensure his endorsement dollars
Supposedly, if I drink enough of a funny green softdrink they have in America, I can be like Mike. To be honest, I'm not sure how a lot of sugar, some food colouring and a shitload of caffeine will make me into a multi-millionaire sportsman, wth a career of shunning issues and using his fame solely to make dollars, rather than to tackle any of the world's problems. Hmm... Now I look at it I'm not sure I want to be like Mike, with my political views reduced to 'Republicans buy sneakers too'.


Bill famously told popstars that by doing endorsements they were sucking Satan's big one.

Thankfully, help is at hand. Simply by switching my drinking habits to a pair of gorgeous tawny liquids, the duel delicacies of beer and bourbon, I can be like Bill. Hicks, that is. Then I can tell people the truth and attack corporatization, government by cartel and manipulation of people as the evils they are. Oh, and Bill was the greatest ever in his field. Whereas Mike is only better than other basketball players if you take endorsement deals as the deciding factor.

Don't argue. Wilt, Bill and Magic were all more dominant and more complete players than Mike, who had to wait for every other great to retire to dominate.




So? To be like Bill? Forget spending a lots of money on items of nylon clothing produced by slaves in some far-off land. Hicks chic is far more advanced, and follows a few simple rules:

1. Wear a lot of black - which surely is great advice for everyone all the time.

2. Have an eye for the big show - Bill often did gigs as Elvis, or as the darkest cowboy in the world

3. Carry with you a cloud of smoke (preferentially self-produced) to obscure the details.

  Most important, of course, is to be like Bill in spirit. Bill taught that people mattered, and that each of us is important, and should not be used as merely a source of income by corporations. He called for an end to government lies, and pleaded for sanity in a word which is rapidly going mad. And all this while being hilarious. He was never blinded by ideology, greed or jingoism, and resolutely never sold out.  

Bill Hicks died in 1994.

Michael Jordan is still alive somewhere, making a lot of cash from Nike and the rest.