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It's been a big old week here at dangerboy central. After more than a little wrangling, not to mention trying to convince perfectly sensible people with perfectly sensible jobs to put a load of effort into something that doesn't pay them any money, we're finally online. Admittedly, it's all a bit sparse right now, but the content should fill out nicely over the forthcoming weeks and months.

Sad news to report first of all. Dangerboy.co.uk is based in Nottingham which, despite it's status as one of the biggest cities in the United Kingdom (especially in terms of retail area), had managed to resist the touch of the Satan that is Starbuck's until last week. It seems our protected status has now gone, so expect to see increasing annoyance in these pages as this globalising force, one of the worst offenders described in Naomi Klein's NOLOGO, opens increasing numbers of branches across Nottingham in an attempt to carpet-bomb its competitors out of town. Rather amazingly, another, competing franchised coffee house opened just across the street at the same time. I wonder how much overpriced coffee the people of my home town can handle.

Just online is the website of long-time dangerboy friend the 1853 gallery in Saltaire, at http://www.saltsmill.org.uk. This is a free gallery featuring tons of work by David Hockney, described by many as Britain's favourite artist. The mill is definitely worth a visit, especially as the owners have managed to separate art and business in a commendable way rarely seen nowadays. If you can't make it Bradford, the website will still show and tell to some extent.

The dangerboy designs t-shirt production line finally got off the ground this week. The first hand-printed designs are being tested now on an unsuspecting public. Look for pictures of the ranges available, and sales and order details, to hit this website over the next few weeks, once the safety of these designs has been fully ascertained. Currently on test are designs featuring the kind of battered signage last seen in the margins of Douglas Coupland's Generation X, a selection of aphorisms from the far east, and minimalist punk designs. Feedback so far has been extremely favourable.

Dangerboy's recommended product of the week is Pokemon (no, I can't be bothered to accent that word properly) temporary tattoos (Merlin, 50p a packet). I've been walking round with Psyduck on my arm for the last few days, and I can exclusively reveal here that temporary tattoo technology has definitely come a long way since I was 10. The last Pokemon was so durable (it was a Snorlax, so what can one expect?) I had to use methylated spirit to get it off! If only they came in glow-in-the-dark versions for clubbing. Speaking of tattoos and Pokemon, check out dangerboy affiliate Kat's website. She's an expert on both. Though not at once.

We at dangerboy realise that not all our readers may have English as their first language (sometimes it can feel that it isn't ours either!) so we've come across a guide that will help you understand the most important words at http://www.honmanolondon.com/swearing.html. It works best if you have NJstar or a similar tool installed to allow the display of Japanese text, but is still fairly useful without. I even learnt some new words from it (whoever would have thought that Han Solo meant that!).

The death of Alec Guinness this week has meant the abandonment of the sweepstake of celebrity deaths. Our page designer has had to accept the fact that George Best is a lot sturdier than anyone would have thought. Respect to Alec for being one of the greatest actors of all time, as well as the on-screen presence of the mighty ObiWan, but he could have held on a little longer to allow us to get the drinks in from George's demise.

If you want to scare yourself this week, check out the hilarious Landover baptist church. Just don't compare it to the also-hilarious-but-in-a-laugh-so-I-don't-despair-that-people-like-this-exist kind of way CAPALERT. The favourite host of art and entertainment-hating bigots worldwide. Well, in the good old US of A, anyway... Gee, the mentality of some people is almost TOO scary.

On the subject of our American cousins, they've got to choose their new leader in the coming months and, as ever, they don't really have a choice. On the one hand, there's George W. Bush, son of one of the most evil men in history, mass killer through the Texan justice system (if you think that anything he's done is right, take a look at the list of prisoners executed by Texas recently - they seem to mostly include people whose convictions are 'unsafe' to say the least, and even include one lady whse lawyer is in jail for throwing cases on purpose!), on the other hand Al Gore, who seems to have no policies himself for me to poke fun at, but does come packaged with the lovely Tipper (whose attempts to destory what little American creativity is still left after Reagan I won't go in to for fear of ranting) and Senator Liebermann, who also feels that children are getting to see too much sex and violence, and that the only way to stop this is censorship for adults.

I don't understand why they don't just enforce a film ratings system, instead of making it voluntary. Surely that would send the right message for a start. The only message being sent right now is 'I don't understand this work of art, so I'm not going to let ANY OF YOU see it'.

Back home in Blighty mob rule has broken out, and anyone male and living on their own is seemingly a target for hate mobs of blood-crazed parents and their little brainwashed children in 'kill them all' t-shirts. Having forgotten that principles like 'innocent until proven guilty' and 'innocent until at least something more than a housing estate chinese whisper comes along' keep us all safe, these people are using threats and intimidation of the type last seen in use by the KKK to drive anyone they don't like the look of from their estates. The abuse of children is very serious, and is one of the biggest threats to innocents in our nation, but stirring up lynch mobs won't help the situation.

On a lighter note, yesterday saw the first sending off of the new Premier league season, and it was the leader of the filth from Manchester who saw red in a typical fit of mardiness. I'd like to think that if I was taking home more than 150 times my current salary, and only doing 3 hours work a day (and that playing football!) I'd treat things with a whole lot better grace than that. This could be the last season for football as we know it, with the collapse of the transfer system, the establishment of a baby super league (with, inevitably, a superiority complex-fuelled Daddy super league coming after) and the total control of all leagues by players seemingly only a year or two away. I'd enjoy it while it lasts, before Man U finally get the WWF-style pre-scripted uber-entertainment leage they appear to be lusting after.

Anyway, enjoy the site, and see you in a fortnight or so.

The dangerboy crew

 

All standard legal bumpf applies - views are only those of the authors, real organistions are only included for satirical purposes etc. If this all upsets you, you should probably be doing something more useful than looking at a jumped-up T-shirt sales site anyway, you hear?